"LeArNiNg To LiVe In ThE pReSeNt MoMeNt Is PaRt Of ThE pAtH oF jOy"

ShItTy WeEk

It has been sooo long that i last wrote a blog. It had been 3 years!!! OMG... Didn't expect that my 1st blog after so long was something sooo shitty. Perhaps I just need to vent out the frustration that has been piling up and to the extent that I just couldn't take it. 

I am almost on fire everyday this week and today was the worst of all. Usually, I do not check on the appraisal grades as it is kind of a standard. However, I don't know why that I checked today and realized that one of the competencies (decision-making) was graded below expectations. When I saw this, I was super angry. What the heck was that? I do not deserved to be graded below expectations so I went to talk to my manager and asked him about it. Guess what. He really stunned me with his answers. The 1st qns he asked was that whether do i check with others on the grading? What?!? Why should I know about others and I am talking about mine. And guess his reply. He replied that majority of us scored below expectations. So  what does that means? That i have to accept it when majority of us scored below expectations. Wow, I am super super shocked...If I am already so mad with it, i really cannot imagine about my teammates.

He told me that the competencies grading does not affect my overall performance grading and below expectations doesn't meant that i am bad. Then what the hell you graded me below expectations then. He even told me that the grading he did last year was overrate. What?!? What the shit is he talking about?  He said that he wanted us to be proactive in giving recommendations and decision making but how are we going to do it when the management itself is not firm too. I may not be the best but i do not deserve a below expectation for that. 

Finally, he just told me nothing can be change and to put it bluntly, i just do not meet his expectations. At the moment, my anger was gone. What comes after that is utterly disappointed, utterly hopeless and simply useless to talk much because it is just a waste of time to listen to all such of excuses. 

It is just not worth to work under him. He simply don't appreciate what the team has done. 

Therefore, it is worthless to hear expectations from someone who just not worth your time.
 

P.S: Have to find my way out of the shit...
 

posted by mAnDy @ 21:18 0 comments

EnD oF yEaR 2012 & sTaRt Of YeAr 2013

Recap of my year 2012, I was doing fine except for my work... The work stress that I got in 2012 was really taxing on me. Work was super not smooth sailing, a lot of frustrations, stress, pressures, workloads... But luckily, I got a real good bunch of colleagues that I can relied on. Despite their own workload and frustrations they faced, they supported me, helped me and showing their concern on me, lending me their hands and went through the rough times I had with me... I am really super thankful to have them and was super touched...

Asides from work, I have pretty much enjoyed my yr 2012... Firstly, I have my 1st family overseas trip to Taiwan in January... It was a enjoyable trip...Met a nice taxi uncle, Mr Liao showing us around Taiwan and explained to us the history and culture of Taiwan...And not forgetting helping us to take super duper a lot of  photos...There were some funny incidents that we met along the way and we bought super duper a lot of things coming back with super duper overweight luggages...

Next was my Korean Trip in April. Despite it was very tiring cos of all the walking, climbing, shopping, carrying of things (Yes, my luggage was overweight with clothes, food and skincare products) but I simply love the trip...Because of the trip, I am open to the world of beauty and skincare and started to use the beauty and skincare product on a routine basis... Heehee... Most importantly,I got to meet new people in Korea who I am still in touch with...

A very very nice professor, 수희선생님 who showed around the school, patiently introducing the school to me, treated me to movies, food, drink, helping me to choose the cosmetic... We chatted, We walked, We shopped... She was super super nice...보고 싶어요 , 수희 선생님!!!

Besides 수희선생님, there are also 의정씨, E Jay, Sherrene and Meifun... They have all made my trip memorable...보고 싶어요!!!

Year 2012 also marked my last twenties bday thus I have a bday party spending time with my family... I had super enjoyed their company and the family bond that we have...

Year 2012 has ended and there goes my last twenties too... hahaha... Year 2013 will be a new start and a year to welcome my thirties... Heehee... I hope that it will be a blessed year with lots of anticipations, happiness and fun... 

Looking Forward...=)

P.S: Everybody, Let's put asides the past, move to the present and look forward to the future!!! =)

posted by mAnDy @ 01:25 0 comments

最后的二字头的我。。。

刚刚过了我最后一个二字头的生日。。。明年就是三字头了。。起初当我突然发现,对的是突然想到自己就要30岁了,我整个人是很荒,很不知所措,很乱的。。。
脑里想着自己在我二字头的人生里做了些什么,有没有好好的,开开心心的过着。。。
基本上,我还过的不错。。。实现自己的dream就是戴上了四方帽,是我一把鼻涕,一把眼泪努力得到的。。。自己也被自己的恒心吓到了。。。哈哈哈。。。

不是怕变老而是在担心自己。。。担心自己是否能像一般30岁的人该有的成熟,稳重。。。担心自己会失去自由,做自己的自由,担心会有很多的身不由己。。。那一阵子,我真的真的是很挣扎,不知道自己应该要做什么好。。。一直一直一直反复的想着。。。

最后,我想通了。。。我呢,只要做自己就好。。。就算我不成熟,不稳重,活得不像一般的三字头的人,又怎么样??? 最重要的是我开心,我喜欢就好。。。我知道不是每件事都能让我随心所欲,我也会接受。。。可是我会尽量做自己想做的,让自己开心。。。我不想逼自己接受改变,我想等着自己接受改变。。。我不想因为随着年龄的增长,就失去自己。。。

我想我还是会

我还是会任性,
我还是会幼稚,
我还是会固执,
我还是会发火,
我还是会耍脾气,

不管还是会什么样,

我想还是会坚持,
坚持做我自己。。。

不然就是我了!!!=P

 P.S: 我希望我的Thirties' Chapter有美丽的开始,美丽的过程和美丽的结果。。。我期待着。。。

posted by mAnDy @ 01:16 0 comments

No MoRe NeXt TiMe!!!

It is my most super duper awkward moment in life... Nv Hv I feel soO awkward before!!!

Me and my kapo~ness... I must vent it out!!!

The story goes like this...

I thought it will be good to widen our circle of friends through friends... So I initiated a meet up, happily and excited over it cos I feel it will be quite fun...

Initially, I was looking forward to it...In the middle, I was frustrated over it and finally, I wasn't looking forward and worried the "you see me, I look at you' situation...

And my prediction was right!!! 'You see me, I look at you' situation happened!!! The whole atmosphere was frozen!!! The interaction was almost zero, maybe 5%?!€{# Nv have I feel soooooooooo awkward before... I kept looking at the clock, we sat for 2hrs and basically just interacting among ourselves... To the certain extent, I'm getting annoyed n psiseh towards my friends...Even when we finally went ktv, the atmosphere was the same... FrEeZe!!!

It is only when they left, I feel so at ease...I really feel so uncomfortable and loss at words...

I'm super glad that I brought hUiChUaN along, she really helped me out a lot... Becos of her, our girls night was full of laughter...But i feel super Paiseh to my friends... Cos I'm the one that get them to join the super awkward situation... But they are all understanding towards me!!! Thank you!!!^^*

I will never never going to be sOo kapo to do this again!!! Never!!!

It is just annoying... Spoiling my mood!!!

Lesson learnt:
"Sometimes, what you think might not be what others think... "

...EnD oF bLoGgIe (@_@)...

posted by mAnDy @ 01:52 0 comments

바보엄마 (傻瓜妈妈)

看了傻瓜妈妈，又哭残了！

不管是妈妈的爱还是社长大叔的爱，都让我好好好感动。。。感触好多好多。。。

妈妈的爱真的好好好伟大。。。 社长大叔的爱也好好好伟大。。。

社长大叔对傻瓜妈妈的爱：

I carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

E.E Cummings (1920)

我可能还不是妈妈，没办法百分百的体会做妈妈的感受。。。可是身为女儿，绝对是可以感受到妈妈的爱， 她的关心。。。 那个为了孩子付出一切的妈妈。。。

我啊，想成为像傻瓜妈妈的妈妈，耐心的等待自己的小孩，陪在小孩的身边。。。
我啊，也想要有像社长大叔那样的老公，有个超级宽容的心，细心，永远爱着我的心。。。

很贪心吧？？？呵呵。。。

可是

还是会耐心的等着。。。

等着我的老公。。。
等着我的小孩。。。
等着傻瓜妈妈。。
等着未来家人。。。

posted by mAnDy @ 19:56 0 comments

累积很久的情绪在今天终于爆发了。。。可是很不喜欢这样的自己。。。因为工作不值得我变的这样！最近的工作压力真的很大，一直压抑着。。。工作一直没有停过，一直在传一直在传！心情也严重的被影响，我都觉得自己要得忧郁症了！每天睡前，脑子都是工作，想把它甩开都不行。。。搞得睡眠也不好，翻来覆去的就是睡不着。

还好我有很好的同事。。。给我安慰也聆听我的唠骚！也愿意帮忙我！ 真的很谢谢他们！如果没有他们，我可能都已经离开了！

我只想自由的，快乐的做我想做的！

想飞的心情没有变，一直都一样。。。

P.S: 真的这么难吗？ 真的有这么不好吗？

posted by mAnDy @ 00:39 0 comments

我啊，真的真的是够了。。。拼了一整夜把＂真心请按两次铃＂给看完了！！！在早上9点才入睡！现在是刚刚睡醒！不过是有睡足够八小时！ 呵呵呵！

现在的我好迷任家恺！哈哈哈！当然还有郑小襄！

posted by mAnDy @ 18:16 0 comments